Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Randomize
