I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
