Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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