Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
