So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
