Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
