I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bet he comes in French.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
