i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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