Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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