Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
