This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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