first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
