You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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