I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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