one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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