I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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