Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
