dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
