I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
