I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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