I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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