Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
