GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
