Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I smell like Dick and happiness
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
