i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
