Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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