I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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