On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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