Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
