I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
