Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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