Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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