Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
