Apparently you make a good broom.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
