I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
