Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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