Your tits are I can't wait for
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
