paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
