I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
