i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
