I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
