help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
