So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she smelled like a LAN party
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
