Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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