sarcasm needs its own font
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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