dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
