dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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