why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
