I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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