i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
...so i touched it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
