Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
