I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
