is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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