names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
