i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
