I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
