Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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