Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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