I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
