She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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