You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
