I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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