Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
