he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
