you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
