Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I met the friendliest cop last night
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
