I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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