the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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