you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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