fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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