you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
