i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
