It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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