Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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