Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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