dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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